Laxatives

I've been creatively constipated recently, if you were wondering. I'm dehydrated and probably depressed.

That's alright, though, because I learned what it is I need so desperately.

I know what I'm not.

I know what I need to do for myself now, because no one else will ever do it for me.

No one person will ever be enough. No one moment will suffice for the duration of time.

I have to press buttons and throw paint and expose things.

The people I wish would understand this part of me never will.

It is so tightly woven through who I am, that I lose my whole self when I lose it.

Without it I cease to exist as I am, and as I am loved.

I wish I could explain what this "it" is. I wish I could introduce you and play a get-to-know-you game of some sort.

Sorry.

I'll never put my finger on it, all I know is I must keep it alive, don't let the fire die, as it has been said.

This should be cryptic, I'm trying to be clear.

"And if one day you should see me in the crowd,

Lend a hand and lift me,

To your place in the cloud."